Tuesday, May 18, 2010

crying in the dust

“…I'm so tired of being here . . . I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone…”

Your words still resonate in my heart, though it has been quite some time since you spoke to me. Why did I survive and you did not? The plan had always been for us to be together, to live and love and grow old together…whose idea was it to shorten your lifeline in such a way that we couldn’t share the end together?

My memories take me back to days sitting on the back porch swing, holding hands, talking of the future….where we would live, what kind of house would we build ,how many kids would we have…..you know, all the dreams young couples in love are supposed to have…I could so clearly see us in our golden years still sharing the back porch swing, holding hands and reflecting on all we had accomplished with our lives…..

When I open my eyes there is only dust and loneliness filling the empty years….the house became someone else’s home when I could no longer bear to live there alone…the memories those walls hold are theirs now, not mine and never yours….

“. . . . These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase . . .
I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts . . . me . . . “

Oh how I wish I could no longer hear your voice or see your face in my mind….I cannot move on even now, and it has been so long. I crave a peace that I cannot have…..immortality is only as good as the companions you have, and I grow ever more weary of a life without you…..

“. . . But you still have all of me . . .”

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